I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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