he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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