New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
