I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
