Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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