its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
