He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
