you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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