you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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