I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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