She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Randomize
