3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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