Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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