On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
