Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
