During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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