Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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