Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
