My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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