I can't breathe out the right side of my face
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
