My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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