i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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