me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
