i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I showed him my bush... on skype.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
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