if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
