You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
