Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
