dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
We have so much sex to catch up on
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Randomize
