i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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