i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
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