Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
