I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
