when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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