Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
