billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize