I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
