why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
