He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
