I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
