There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize