I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
