so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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