You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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