Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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