I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
