If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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