plz talk dirty to me
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
