Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
