well you can't waste a boner
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
