FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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