she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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