And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
