dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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