It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
