Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
where are you?
Hypothermia
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
