You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
