More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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