Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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