No awkward lesbian experiences without me
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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