I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
