i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize