Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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