Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
