She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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