Someone shit on the floor
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
pray to the hookup gods
Randomize
