Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
