You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
