i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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