He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I just want nice things and good sex
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
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