How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Randomize
