a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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