I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
