No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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