Someone shit on the floor
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i dont even know how to be here
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Randomize
