she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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