we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
