It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
