im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
