first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
