Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
