Swine flu. Run for my life!
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
