tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
