Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
