Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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