now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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